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May 6, 2021

Worthy to Print Column | All About the Benjamins

By George Worthy, Gonzales Columnist

How are you doing? I mean, do you still wear your mask? Did you seriously see that the doctor that goes on TV wants us to wear three? The past few days are almost historic. Some folks from the surrounding areas of what we call “South County” have left us for someone greater than us. Maybe “left us” is not the right way to say it. These folks, and I’m not going to name them, were actual historic members of South County. I could name them, but let’s face it, the heirs probably don’t want to be reminded that a family member has been taken by our Lord. (In any case, it’s not me that will remind anyone.) 

I’m sure that I have told you I don’t do funerals anymore. I told my lovely bride that the next funeral I go to will be mine. I am beginning to realize my limitations a little faster than I used to. My memory is the first thing that I have recognized as an older person problem. I’m not completely empty headed; I just have to make sure my lovely bride is with me when I get information that is likely to be important, or what I conceive as “important,” which may not be important to another person. But that little minx that married me more years ago than I am old has pulled my fat out of the fire after just catching part of the conversation. She is like a little kid; they hear EVERYTHING! 

It is a sure sign that I can’t do the things I used to. Just the other day I went up on the roof to clean out the gutters. I had to wait until my Angel had gone to Salinas to deliver some wine. I tried to time it so I was finished by the time she would pull into the driveway. However, things sometimes don’t work out as planned. The gutters had more detritus than I thought, but I had started the cleaning so I was going to complete the job. Then, just as I was trying to find with my feet the top rung on the ladder, she drove up.

Here is what we call a conundrum. Do I continue my hanging over the side, holding on to the aforementioned gutter of the house till someone came along to help me or should I meet this situation straight with the fearlessness I usually call up in an emergency? Would you believe that as soon as I had decided that hitting the sidewalk would be preferable to making my bride nervous, she walked around the corner and asked, in the sweetest tone known to man, “Do you need any help?” she asked without a bit of anger in her voice. 

Well, I’ll tell you right now that’s why I love her so much. I guess I deserved to be chewed out, but like every other time I had done something stupid, she just kind of smiled, straightened the ladder and walked away singing. Did I tell you she has a great voice? In fact she has said often that after the virus leaves us she is going to go back to work on her voice. 

As I get older I realize that this is the first time I haven’t even looked for work or gone to visit friends. I mean I knew that, but sometimes, like when you are cleaning gutters, you realize that you could probably make some money doing this if this darn virus wasn’t here. You see, I won’t give into the calendar or, as Clint Eastwood said on his last birthday when someone asked him how he keeps it up, “I just don’t let the old man in.” 

My young bride and I love each other a lot, but we both don’t agree on everything. Take my motorcycle. She doesn’t like me riding because as I grow older I find all my motor skills slowing down. I still ride my bike I know it doesn’t make her happy. Happy is the way I want her to be.

I think I told you about her burning her leg on the exhaust pipe as she got on one day to see what this motorcycle stuff was all about. The last time I had her on a motorcycle was about 35 or 40 years ago. We rode from Salinas to East Garrison on a clear night and could see all the lights in the Valley. I didn’t go fast or act silly. We didn’t have a helmet law back then, so we were just blowing in the wind. 

By the way, has anyone seen any way we are supposed pay back the “stimulus” check. I don’t care what they call it, but they haven’t added much gold into Fort Knox lately. So I guess we will see. I saw a show on TV the other night where they were filming the printing of money. It was mesmerizing to see all those “Benjamins” just rolling down the belt.

But even I can see it was just green paper. They also did not allow any free samples. In the end, it was just paper. I’m not rich enough to have any Benjamins, because as I heard in a song some time ago: “Dad-gum dad-gum dad-gum government they have a hand in every pocket I own.”

Well, I have to go. I worked hard in the yard today and my back hurts. Of course my back hurts all the time. I think I’ll take the motorcycle out of storage and … clean the store room. The motorcycle is always clean. I don’t want to grow up or older, I just want my family to be happy and cool.

God Bless.

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